Pet Peeves : Bobmin!

So - the writers at bobmin.fanficauthors.net are very good. Sunset over Britain is a truly inspired story, and while Sunrise was far too long, a bit dull and nowhere near as good, that doesn't mean Sunset was bad.

But in their author's notes (which, by the way, since there are two of them should have the apostrophe after the s in Authors and not before it - the notes are from both authors, not just one) they write a section called Pet Peeves where - basically - they bitch about other people. Quite possibly just to prove how good they are, and how bad other people are.

One example is switching perspectives - from first person to third and back again. They say that it's rare you'll find a published book that does that (which I disagree with, not to mention the films you get that do it. Blade Runner for example, and some of the Thursday Next series), and that it's annoying.

Other complaints are about mistakes in the story (such as Author's). But since everyone is, at best, human, even the most perfect beta-reader might miss things sometimes. It's inevitable, and - quite honestly -as long as it doesn't confuse the story, I don't see why it matters. If I write "It was there belief that they would win" you still get what I mean? And while I'm not suggesting spelling and grammar don't matter at all, you have to remember a) some fanfic writers aren't writing in English as a first language, but they are doing it so we can read their stories, and b) no one gets paid to do this, and it's done in their spare time.

They object to Super-Powered and Equipped Harry. Why? It's a plot device. And - on a side note - Sunset has a Super-Powered Harry with a spectaral Dog he can use to attack people, a staff he can use to throw giants in to orbit and the ability to apparate within Hogwarts. How is that different from what they are complaining about?

And finally - they bitch about using adult language or not. If you are writing for a mature audience, they say, you should be willing to say so, but if you're not, you shouldn't try to use rude words or metaphors to explain what you mean.

Well - first there is Sunset, which is full of sex and is rated Mature, and yet they say Lucius "fouled himself". But in their Pet Peeves, they say "If you write shite, don't you think everyone is going to know what you mean?" Well - if you write "fouled himself", don't you think everyone knows what you mean as well?

Secondly - most (all) of my stories (for example) are G+ or PG-13 depending on the site you are on. This is because I am just not one to write for adults only. And while I am not going to write detailed sex scenes, and I am not going to use the more overt curse words (I think hell, damn, bollocks and bloody are about as far as I am willing to go), I think it is LUDICROUS to ignore the fact I have married couples in my stories, and that - as a rule - married couples are going to have sex. And that when Hermione comes home to find Luna's head hanging from her front door knocker, to think she would only say "Oh dear me" is an insult to the intelligence of my readers.

So I use metaphors. I use descriptions. I say ".....she suddenly realised her daughter was scrabbling at the buttons to Luna's dress....." to indicate that Hermione is going to boff Luna good and proper. And I say "As Hermione stared in disbelief at the bloody scene in front of her, she let out a stream of curses that would make a sailor blush". Both of which leave it up to the reader to decide what is going on. So the little kiddies (although very little kiddies shouldn't be reading my stories, as they are 13+ generally) can think Minnie is saying "bugger bottom willy and bum" while older readers might have a few more colourful words in mind.

And - on a final note - the opening chapter of Sunrise says "The international Wizarding community has decided that you are far too ugly to be allowed to travel outside of Britain and Scotland". And I would argue that while everything they list might annoy them, not knowing BASIC WORLD GEOGRAPHY is inexcusable. Especially for people who are so full of themselves they are happy to criticise tiny little faults in everyone else's stories.

This has been bugging me for a while, because I don't think it is their place to be insulting other people's work when writing notes about their own story. And yes, I have just spent about ten minutes insulting their work, except I'm not. I'm insulting the fact they are insulting other people's work, and pointing out how hypocritical they are in their insults. Plus this is not a story, this is a journal. It would never, ever occurr to me to write any of this in the author's notes for a story I wrote.

The only time I have come close was when I was bitching about The Lord Of The Rings movies, but they were truly crap and I was writing a parody of them in the world of HP, so it seemed fair that I should explain why I was taking the piss out of the films so much. And even then, I limited it to maybe one or two paragraphs of notes, and not three or four every chapter.

Plus I think anyone who is willing to write a story and put it on the web deserves some respect. Even if the story is utterly crap, they still had the guts to do it. And if it is crap, then you leave them a review (if you can), with constructive comments. You don't use the end of a chapter of your story to dump on them in front of the rest of the world. Because that is, basically, a shitty thing to do to people.